Too good NOT to share. I beg you to simply type "why" into a google search engine. It will yield the following suggestions in order:
1) Why do men have nipples?
2) *Censored*
3) Why is the sky blue?
4) Why is my poop green?
5) Why did I get married too (this one mystifies me. are they grammatically challenged or are they echoing someone else's question?)
6) Why do dogs eat poop?
7) Why are people posting colors on facebook?
8) Why can't I own a Canadian?
9) Why are black people so loud?
Please, google. An inquisitive world wants to know.
Too bad google maps can't locate shame.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Pleading Temporary Insanity
Nothing like entering the monotonous work force to make you appreciate the slippery slope of stagnancy that Woodbridge promises...
So here I am! Temporary worker, paid employee, boldly doing what others would rather not get paid to! Some observations:
1) Automatic toilets: What a modern INconvenience. That thing flushed on me three times whilst I was in there. THREE! And I couldn't have been there for more than 30 seconds, tops. Terrifying.
2) Candy bowl: I feel like Pam on the Office is a clever ruse used to draw people into thinking being a receptionist comes with pithy banter and good times pranking others. It's not. But I will say "she" has the right idea by only supplying M&M's. Some people handle options well. Others pour over the Illiad sized epic struggle of whether they want Snickers or Milky Way (here's a hot tip, do you like peanuts? if yes, choose Snickers, if not, choose our galaxy's choco-equivalent). I've never seen people struggle so much over such a simple decision. So I sit here awkwardly avoiding eye contact after my best Music Theater audition-rendered "Hello!" while they sift through every piece of candy looking for the very freshest one. Hilarious. I feel like I'm in the grocery store watching those Milk Maids find the latest expiration date on 2% (it's always 2%)
3) Answering the phone is the most awkward and terrifying thing I've ever done: Now I know where my Uncle Ian's phobia comes from. People call hurriedly expecting someone else (the woman I'm replacing for these two days) while I awkwardly ask them to repeat the name of the person they wish to speak to so I can locate it on the alpa-list in very tiny print, then ask who they are and where they're from (write it down well enough to fake pronunciation), fumble with the transfer button, inevitably get voicemail, ask them if they want to leave a voicemail, and transfer them back. I have a sneaking suspiscion I have accidentally hung up on everyone I have transferred to voicemail. I even had to switch back over and ask someone what their name was a second time. She laughed openly. Sorry for partying? Nay, sorry for majoring in music.
4) Wikipedia is full of useful information. It's also fun to start to google things and see what the most searched items are.
5) How long does it take for bed sores to develop?
Signing off. Next week promises data entry! So if I make a mistake, the computer won't laugh at me. Computers find so little enjoyment in the foibles of humankind.
So here I am! Temporary worker, paid employee, boldly doing what others would rather not get paid to! Some observations:
1) Automatic toilets: What a modern INconvenience. That thing flushed on me three times whilst I was in there. THREE! And I couldn't have been there for more than 30 seconds, tops. Terrifying.
2) Candy bowl: I feel like Pam on the Office is a clever ruse used to draw people into thinking being a receptionist comes with pithy banter and good times pranking others. It's not. But I will say "she" has the right idea by only supplying M&M's. Some people handle options well. Others pour over the Illiad sized epic struggle of whether they want Snickers or Milky Way (here's a hot tip, do you like peanuts? if yes, choose Snickers, if not, choose our galaxy's choco-equivalent). I've never seen people struggle so much over such a simple decision. So I sit here awkwardly avoiding eye contact after my best Music Theater audition-rendered "Hello!" while they sift through every piece of candy looking for the very freshest one. Hilarious. I feel like I'm in the grocery store watching those Milk Maids find the latest expiration date on 2% (it's always 2%)
3) Answering the phone is the most awkward and terrifying thing I've ever done: Now I know where my Uncle Ian's phobia comes from. People call hurriedly expecting someone else (the woman I'm replacing for these two days) while I awkwardly ask them to repeat the name of the person they wish to speak to so I can locate it on the alpa-list in very tiny print, then ask who they are and where they're from (write it down well enough to fake pronunciation), fumble with the transfer button, inevitably get voicemail, ask them if they want to leave a voicemail, and transfer them back. I have a sneaking suspiscion I have accidentally hung up on everyone I have transferred to voicemail. I even had to switch back over and ask someone what their name was a second time. She laughed openly. Sorry for partying? Nay, sorry for majoring in music.
4) Wikipedia is full of useful information. It's also fun to start to google things and see what the most searched items are.
5) How long does it take for bed sores to develop?
Signing off. Next week promises data entry! So if I make a mistake, the computer won't laugh at me. Computers find so little enjoyment in the foibles of humankind.
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